Do You Care Enough to Coach Beyond Your Stars?

Coaches, I’ve got a question. Do you care enough to coach beyond your stars?

I’m not just talking about the players who start every game, the ones who get most of the playing time, or the athletes everybody already recognizes. I’m talking about those young men sitting on the bench. The ones who are still learning the game, still developing their skills, and still trying to figure out where they fit. How much time are you investing in them?

A Grandfather’s Perspective

My two youngest grandsons are in middle school, and this is their first year playing football here in Texas. Now, if you know anything about Texas football, you know that starting in the seventh grade is considered pretty late. Some of these young men have been playing football practically since they could walk. But nevertheless, my grandsons are playing, learning, and getting their first real experience with competitive football.

Let me make something clear. I’m not one of those grandparents who believes his grandsons should automatically be starters. I’m not running up to a coach demanding, “Why aren’t you starting my kid?” I’m not that dude. And some of y’all think your children are better athletes than they actually are. They ain’t. Maybe they ain’t! That’s not proper English, but I live in Texas, so we’re going to let that slide.

Still, I believe my grandsons should be getting a little more playing time. How much more? Maybe the equivalent of one quarter out of four. I don’t think that’s asking too much. How do you gain experience without an opportunity to play? I understand coaches want to win and that everybody has different skill levels. But if these young men are on the team, shouldn’t their development be part of the job, too?

When a Grandparent Asks for Help

I approached one of my grandsons’ coaches. I wasn’t disrespectful, argumentative, or demanding. We had a pleasant conversation, and I appreciated that. I asked a simple question: What can I do to help my grandson improve? What can you give me, or share with me, that I can take home, explain to him, and work on with him so he can gain experience and perhaps earn more playing time? I wasn’t asking the coach to hand him something he hadn’t earned. I was asking how I could help him prepare to earn it.

The coach gave one of my grandsons a couple of football plays. I looked at those diagrams and, man, they looked like algebra problems. Lines going this way, arrows going that way, blocking assignments. I was trying to interpret what all of it meant. So I asked my grandson whether the coach had walked him through it. He said no. He didn’t even know where to begin. He was looking for his initials on the play because he thought that might help him find where he was supposed to be.

Think about that. This was a seventh grader in his first season, with only three competitive games under his belt at that point. He was still getting comfortable wearing pads and equipment, learning positions, and figuring out what he was supposed to do. And he was handed a diagram he didn’t understand. Coaches, can we do better?

Information Is Not the Same as Instruction

Giving a young person information is not necessarily teaching him. Handing over a playbook doesn’t mean you’ve explained the play. Telling a player where to stand doesn’t mean he understands his assignment. And explaining something once doesn’t guarantee that he understood you.

Everybody doesn’t learn the same way. Some players can look at a diagram and get it immediately. Others need someone to walk them through the movement, demonstrate it, repeat it, or invite questions. Coaches, do you know your players well enough to know how they learn? And do you teach to their learning style? Sometimes the young man who appears to be struggling most just needs somebody willing to teach him differently.

What About the Players Who Aren’t Your Stars?

Now I’m going to say something that might make some people uncomfortable. I know coaches have favorites. I know politics can sometimes get involved, and personally, I hate that. Don’t play to the politics. I’ve seen enough of life to know that adults don’t always keep their personal feelings out of decisions that affect young people.

Let’s be real. There can be coaches who favor a young player because they’re interested in getting closer to his mother. And there can be coaches who don’t like a parent and let that dislike affect how they treat the child. I’m not claiming I know that either of those things happened in my grandsons’ situation, and I’m not accusing every coach. But when things like that happen, both are wrong. The young man should not be rewarded or punished because of a coach’s personal feelings about a parent.

So here’s my question: How much time do you put into the players who aren’t your star players, who aren’t starters, who aren’t the ones everybody’s talking about? I mean genuinely developing them. Could you take five or ten minutes after practice with a couple of kids who need extra instruction? Could you explain a play rather than just hand them a sheet? Could you watch them try it and tell them what to fix? Five or ten minutes can go a long way. That kind of extra attention has not happened for my grandsons in the way I hoped it would, and that’s my frustration.

Coaching Goes Beyond X’s and O’s

Now, I’m not going to sit here and tell you I can do this coach’s job. I’m not an X’s and O’s guy. If you put me on a coaching staff, you wouldn’t necessarily want me drawing up the schemes. But I’ll tell you what I can do. I can motivate a young man. I can encourage him. I can challenge him all day long. I can help him get his mind right.

That matters because coaching goes beyond technical skills. It’s about recognizing potential, building confidence, and helping young men understand that effort, preparation, attitude, and discipline matter. Not every player will become a star. Not every player will start. But every player can grow, and every young man deserves to know somebody cares about helping him improve.

Do You Know How Your Players Learn?

Do you really know the young men on your team—not just their names, jersey numbers, and positions, but how they learn? Do you recognize the first-year player who’s confused but doesn’t want to ask a question in front of everybody? Do you notice who needs a demonstration instead of a diagram? Do you try a different teaching approach when the first one doesn’t connect?

Sometimes a young person doesn’t need the standard lowered. He needs somebody to show him how to meet it. You can hold a young man accountable and still guide him. You can challenge him to get better and still take the time to teach him how.

Are We Developing Players or Just Trying to Win?

I know there are outstanding coaches who already do these things. To those coaches, kudos to you. I appreciate your time, commitment, and willingness to do more than what’s required. But I believe every coach can ask this question: Am I doing the best job I can to develop every young person entrusted to my care? Not just my stars. Not just the starters. Not just the players who will help me win the next game.

The young man sitting on your bench today may someday become a father, teacher, coach, or mentor. He may not remember the score of every game. But he may remember whether an adult took the time to help him when he was still trying to figure things out. That investment matters.

Coaches, I Want to Hear From You

I didn’t share this simply to complain. I want to hear from coaches. How do you work with first-year players? What do you do above and beyond the regular hour or hour-and-a-half practice? Do you take the extra time? Do you explain assignments in more than one way? Do you get to know the player well enough to recognize his learning style? What would you tell a parent or grandparent who respectfully asks how to support a child’s development at home?

I’m asking because I care about our young men. I care about who they’re becoming, and I believe adults should use every opportunity they have to help them grow. So coaches, can a brother get a little help? Let’s have this conversation. Do you care enough to coach beyond your stars?

Just Because It’s Right — Shining the Light on What’s Right

Before I close, I want to share something else important to me. We’re building an initiative called Just Because It’s Right. We want to capture and spotlight young men doing the right thing—in everyday moments, not just on special occasions. That could be your son, grandson, nephew, neighbor, student, or a young man you notice while you’re out in the community.

Maybe he’s helping somebody. Maybe he’s showing respect, taking initiative, demonstrating responsibility, or putting someone else first. So much attention goes to what young people do wrong. Let’s make sure we shine a light on what they do right.

If you capture a moment like that, share it with us at justbecauseitsright.org/submit. We’ll review it and handle any necessary permissions before a selected video is shared publicly. We want to recognize those everyday choices that demonstrate kindness, integrity, responsibility, respect, and leadership. Shining the light on what’s right—that’s what this is about.

And in the words of my dearly beloved Aunt Gladys, who has passed away, whenever she heard something she agreed with she would say, “Now, I know that’s right.”